Julie Sondra Decker’s Official Site

Thanks for visiting! This is the website of Julie Sondra Decker, Author of Many Hats.

In the fiction world, Julie is known for her novels and short stories in various genres, including fantasy, speculative fiction, magical realism, science fiction, and realistic contemporary subjects. She writes in multiple categories (MG, YA, NA, and Adult), but most of her work is for adult audiences. Her nonfiction work includes essays,  articles, and long nonfiction on instructional writing topics and asexuality awareness.

Julie graduated from the University of Florida with a Bachelor’s in education, which she has never used (as she is better at pretending to be a small child than teaching them). In addition to being a writer, she has been a bookseller, an editor, an admin, and a Happy Pasta Girl.  She has written stories and poems since she found out what a book was. Julie is a webcomic artist, a singer, an aromantic asexual woman, a vegetarian, an eldest child, a compulsive cookie-baker, a vertically challenged adult, and definitely not your mother.

On this site, you will find information about Julie’s completed and in-progress projects, purchase links, advice on writing and publishing, latest news, biographical information, media and conference appearances, resources on asexuality and writing/publishing, and links to additional content like comics and videos.

[Please be aware that this site occasionally links to offsite content that may be pseudonymous and may not link back here.]

4 thoughts on “Julie Sondra Decker’s Official Site

  1. Hi Julie,

    I just read the Salon article interview with you about your book. I was very intrigued and I wanted some more information about asexuality. My best male friend identifies as gay, but has little to no sexual attraction to anyone. He and I will hold hands and cuddle occasionally, but it is more of comfort thing than sexual. He has had one sexual experience with a girl and did not like it. He has no desire to be even slightly physical with men either. He gets very uncomfortable when anyone brings up sex at all. We have talked about the prospect of him being asexual before, and he says he almost wishes he were. I don’t know what to do for him to help him figure out more about himself, and I was wondering if you had any suggestions or could point me in the right direction.

    Thank you,
    Courtney

    • Courtney, it’s possible he just has a complicated relationship with sex, but he also sounds like he could be in one of the gray areas–graysexual or demisexual, so who knows. I am not in the business of “diagnosing” (haha) people’s orientations, but there’s a huge spectrum of asexual experience and he may have some things in common with us. There are also forms of attraction that are not sexual–sensual, aesthetic, romantic, etc.–that some folks mistake for sexual because our society likes to pretend they’re all the same thing, but not everyone feels all of them. Some gay folks might pressure other gay folks who are sex-repulsed, sex-reluctant, or sex-indifferent, claiming the only reason they feel that way is internalized homophobia, but that’s not always true either. In the “extras” section of my site, there is an “Asexual Resources” page that you can refer him to if you like, but also I know a guy who identifies as gay gray-asexual and is in a relationship with a man–he may have some especially relevant insights for your friend. Please see posts by Siggy on the Asexual Agenda (http://asexualagenda.wordpress.com/) and on his personal site, Skeptic’s Play (http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com/)–he has an lgbta tag.

  2. I’m 61, male, married 27 years (second time). I’ve had no sex or any other physical intimacy for eleven years. My wife told me one day she didn’t like sex and never wanted it again. Or any spooning or hugging. It wasn’t surprising. Just seemed like that’s where we were headed anyway. We had lots of loving sex for about 10 years. She then split time between both coasts for the next 20 years. Halfway through those years, I began a battle with a terminal illness. It nearly killed me recently but I woke up on the bright side of the street with unbridled enthusiasm and a genuine “natural high.” Every day I gain physical strength and flexibility, along with mental and emotional clarity. I don’t know how long this honeymoon will last, but reading about asexuality has perked my interest as I prepare for the final years. I had planned to tell my counselor tomorrow that I have resolved myself to a celibate lifestyle. I’m totally happy with my life. I’m torn, though, about the love and friendship aspects and the fact I have been deeply in love with two men; one with sex, the other without. For women, the number with sex was staggering until my early 30’s. After that, I convinced myself I needed love to make sex work. I headed toward meaningless sex on may occasions during the second half of my life but always backed off. Tomorrow, I ask my counselor what she thinks about asexuality. I have the book in my Amazon shopping cart.

    • Thanks very much for sharing your experience and checking out the book. People come to identify as asexual by a variety of paths and for a number of reasons, and I think the most important thing is listening and respecting rather than finding reasons to condemn and dismiss. You’re doing a wonderful thing here. I wish you the best on all of your journeys. :)

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