Video: Critique of Romance Tropes

Here’s something a little different from my usual: I’m offering a video about romance tropes in fiction and how they can sometimes send damaging messages to people about what real-life romance is and what place it should occupy in our lives. Informed primarily from an aromantic perspective–meaning that I’m a person who rarely sees herself in fictional narratives and is affected more negatively by certain messages about romance the way it is currently handled in fiction.

The big takeaway from this video is that we need more important friendships in our fiction! And fewer assumptions about the inevitability of romance and the heteronormative assumption!

 

Speaking at Pride Week: Ace/Aro Inclusion

The University of Minnesota Twin Cities flew me up to the chilly north to participate in their Pride Week on April 13, 2015. I was invited by the asexuality group, fACES—a division of the Queer Student Cultural Center—to do a one-hour talk on asexual, aromantic, and demi/gray inclusion in LGBTQ spaces.

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The presentation went very well and everyone was really nice! They were super receptive to my message and my visit, and very friendly during the hangout times we had before the event. I also got to go to a trans inclusivity presentation that I enjoyed as well.

I made a recording of my presentation:

I even got to pick the audience’s brains at the end to discuss one thing I want to revise in the next edition of my book, so that was great too! And while I’m honestly not that big on going around personally making appearances because I prefer content creation, this certainly felt worthwhile. (And I didn’t get lost even though I had to ride the train.)

For the record, the presentation was primarily about the objections some people have to including asexual, aromantic, demisexual/demiromantic, and/or graysexual/grayromantic people in their larger LGBTQ groups; there are some folks who feel that ace/aro-spectrum people don’t belong except as allies. My presentation discussed why I do not believe this is an appropriate way to approach ace/aro issues, and it highlighted both what LGBTQ and ace/aro folks have in common and discussed what we can each learn from each other.

And it didn’t hurt that they had a welcoming and attractive cultural center room. 🙂

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Article (Reprint): “Asexual, Aromantic, Partnerless, Child-Free… And (Yes!) Happy”

Everyday Feminism contacted the editor of my February Drunk Monkeys piece and asked to reprint it on their site. This is pretty exciting since they get a huge amount of traffic!

They did modify my wording slightly (specifically, they chose to use “child-free” instead of “childless,” and I don’t really like identifying as “child-free,” though technically it describes me).

Please read “Asexual, Aromantic, Partnerless, Child-Free… And (Yes!) Happy” on Everyday Feminism.

Lambda Literary Award Finalist

Today I found out my book The Invisible Orientation is a finalist for this year’s Lambda Literary Award! I’m one of eight in the LGBT Nonfiction category:

  1. An American Queer: The Amazon Trail by Lee Lynch
  2. Hold Tight Gently: Michael Callen, Essex Hemphill, and the Battlefield of AIDS by Martin Duberman
  3. The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker
  4. Nevirapine and the Quest to End Pediatric AIDS by Rebecca J. Anderson
  5. Robert Gober: The Heart Is Not a Metaphor by Hilton Als, Ann Temkin, Claudia Carson, Robert Gober, Paulina Pobocha, Christian Scheidemann, and the Museum of Modern Art
  6. Sexplosion: From Andy Warhol to A Clockwork Orange, How a Generation of Pop Rebels Broke All the Taboos by Robert Hofler
  7. The Transgender Archives: Foundations for the Future by Aaron H Devor
  8. The Up Stairs Lounge Arson: Thirty-Two Deaths in a New Orleans Gay Bar, June 24, 1973 by Clayton Delery-Edwards

I’m especially excited to be listed here because I entered in the category of LGBT Nonfiction due to having nothing more appropriate to choose–and my getting shortlisted shows that my choice was the right one. I was a little worried that I would be thought unwelcome or even that my applying would be deemed offensive by the judges, being that the book’s content isn’t centrally focused on any content that is L, G, B, or T (though there is of course discussion of where people who do identify as LGBT intersect with and overlap with asexual identities). Even if I’m not chosen as a winner, being listed as a finalist does feel a little bit like my community is getting closer to being broadly accepted under this umbrella, and that is an incredible feeling.

The winners will be announced in a ceremony on June 1, 2015. I have to decide whether I’m going to attend. 🙂

Article: “Asexual, Aromantic, Partnerless, Childless – and Happy”

The smart and quirky literary/blog zine Drunk Monkeys accepted my short piece “Asexual, Aromantic, Partnerless, Childless – and Happy.”

It’s a personal essay about how other people’s obsession with changing me has actually been more of an impediment to my happiness than anything these folks can attribute to my lifestyle and inclinations.

Check out the article to read my perspective!

Review (Prismatic Entanglements): The Invisible Orientation

Elizabeth of Prismatic Entanglements has offered a thoughtful, comprehensive, gently critical review for The Invisible Orientation.

An excerpt:

This is the Asexuality 101 book. It’s for laypersons, but I think it should also be required reading for professionals looking to better serve their asexual clients. It’s a starting point for real understanding, and one that outsiders looking in just can’t provide.

Books are prone to becoming quickly outdated as societal understanding deepens, and even less than a year after its release, there are already some passages beginning to show their age. But that’s more about how fast our high-level community discourse moves! On that level, it makes sense to forgive the subtle nuances rooted in older discussions. Here, we find the community’s foundation, preserved by someone who has been part of it much longer than most of us.

On such solid ground, we can now take steps toward further progress.

Please read the full review on Prismatic Entanglements here.

Review (Evening Assam): The Invisible Orientation

Evening Assam, Morning Pu-Er gave me a really nice review for my book on Tumblr. An excerpt:

More than anything this book arms the reader with the vocabulary, and confidence, to start in depth discussion and exploration of their (or their loved one’s) asexuality.  I can think of no better place to start.

The writing manages to be simple and clear without ever patronizing, even when addressing all manner of different groups.  Decker maps out an impressive understanding of those identifying on the asexual spectrum that gives context desperately needed for such an underrepresented topic.

Read the whole review on the blog post!