In Bloom’s first revision is completed. It has weighed in at 53 chapters, 556 pages, 159,238 words.
This is down from its first draft, completed on April 23, 2025 at 56 chapters, 630 pages, 197,664 words. I’d say I lost a good chunk of words–38,426, to be exact!
That’s a satisfying number there, lopping nearly 40,000 words off a book, but a YA novel at nearly 160K is still too heavy for the expectations. The plan for the second edit is to shave more words off and document as I go, making an outline of each chapter with each scene diagrammed, complete with bullet points. That way, when I inevitably get to the end of Edit 2 and still have too huge a book, I can look at what’s still there from a distance and figure out with that bird’s eye view what might be able to be cut.
Here’s a vague documentation of what got cut between first draft and Edit 1. I haven’t shared the novel with anyone so I know readers don’t know the characters at this point, but maybe it will be fun to look back on.
Chapter 1:
- Small reductions in stage directions.
Chapter 5:
- Dropped some of Kamber’s internal monologue deciding what to say to her Grandmother.
- Dropped short exchange between Kamber and Grandmother about whether their beliefs about gender would change if a boy had a baby.
- Dropped medium-long exchange about gender rivalry.
Chapter 6:
- Cut entire dream sequence chapter.
Chapter 7:
- Replaced Jason’s description of parent drama with a summary.
- Dropped Joanne’s short clarification on making sketchy comments about Kamber’s culture.
- Cut references to the deleted dream sequence chapter.
Chapter 9:
- Slimmed down the details on the hug between Joanne and Kamber.
- Cut some detail about whether people ever leave the Kin community to live with humans.
Chapter 10:
- Dropped some internal monologue about runes and Bloom Day assignments.
- Slimmed down the repetitive conversation between Kamber and her grandmother about growing up too fast.
Chapter 11:
- Deleted some details on the Kinfolk creation myth.
- Deleted some unnecessarily provocative commentary from Joanne about humans making their own versions of Kinfolk ritual.
- Cut internal monologue wondering about butterflies’ lives and imagining an exchange with them.
- Slimmed down Joanne’s emotional reaction to the butterflies.
Chapter 13:
- Cut some philosophizing on whether Kamber has a sibling-like relationship with Zinc.
- Dropped references to the butterfly philosophizing that was cut from Chapter 11.
Chapter 14:
- Cut entire dream sequence chapter.
Chapter 15:
- Slimmed down some descriptions of Kinfolk hairstyles.
- Cut a bunch of unnecessary detail about charms on dwellings.
- Cut some details of Joanne and Kamber discussing whether they know anyone else who’s gay.
- Deleted some rambling about custody and authority in Kinfolk families.
- Pulled back Joanne’s recommendations for how Kamber should come out.
Chapter 16:
- Trimmed internal monologue and dialogue while Kamber argues with her parents about choice.
Chapter 17:
- Removed some detail on Kamber describing Joanne.
- Deleted lots of mundane details of Joanne’s move from another planet.
- Deleted some internal monologue wondering about coming out in homeroom.
Chapter 18:
- Pulled back on Joanne’s reactions to Kamber’s conversations with her parents.
- Deleted some details of physical interaction in the forest.
- Deleted long internal monologue about loyalty to family and traditions but wanting to occupy a middle ground.
- Deleted some of Joanne’s questions and Kamber’s answers about communicating with trees.
Chapter 20:
- Condensed conversation between Kamber and Zinc during the cakes date.
- Deleted details on gossip.
- Pulled back some of the repetitive conversation on what falling in love might be like.
- Deleted a long conversation with Zinc’s questions about Joanne and tradition.
Chapter 21:
- Cut sporadic internal monologue in conversation with Grandmother.
- Cut supposition about how the Goddess came to exist.
Chapter 22:
- Cut details of school arrangements for upcoming absence and references to Seaira being Kamber’s note-taker.
- Cut internal monologue about Kamber’s reaction to Seaira and JeLin in the cafeteria.
Chapter 23:
- Cut more details of school arrangements for upcoming absence.
Chapter 24:
- Condensed wordy discussion of Kamber’s age in the dance studio.
- Cut internal monologue about maturity.
- Cut internal monologue of Kamber wondering about the other dancers’ familiarity with the ritual and worrying about the central ritual elements.
- Cut some details of the dancing and Kamber’s reactions.
- Cut vague wondering about Mother Sage’s fucking eyebrows???
- Cut dialogue about prejudice toward young dancers.
- Cut philosophizing on whether Instructor Comfrey cares about Grandmother Burdock’s personal coaching.
- Cut more yammering about worrying about learning the songs.
- Cut details of Kamber’s fucking lunch????
- Condensed anxious thoughts about Joanne dumping her for someone easier to date.
- Cut short details about Kinfolk music types.
- Cut details about how Director Mullein got his job????
- Cut random unnecessary conversation with JeLin Clary’s aunt????
- Cut some details of what subjects were covered in the queer history book.
- Condensed Kamber and Zinc’s conversation comparing Kin and humans with regard to tradition and queerness.
- Made the worrying about parents bits more concise.
- Cut a bunch of Kamber and Zinc’s speculation and Kamber’s internal monologue about what her grandmother might think of her being gay.
- Deleted some nuanced history about humans’ approach to queerness in the past and present.
Chapter 25
- Slimmed down internal monologue about the mysterious lives of adults.
Chapter 26
- Cut details of how wards work.
- Cut philosophy on adults mocking teenagers.
Chapter 27
- Cut entire dream sequence chapter.
Chapter 28
- Cut minutiae about rehearsals.
- Cut details on why temples are on the outskirts of the community.
- Cut details on gendered reasoning for train conductors being men and details on how the different kinds of trains work.
- Cut internal monologue about seeing a priest vs. seeing a priestess.
- Cut references to the previously cut dream sequence.
- Cut details on the circumstances under which disclosures to clergy stay private.
- Chopped mental reactions and thoughts on some priest interactions.
- Shortened paragraph of speculation about gender dysphoria.
- Cut hazy sleeping details and stray thoughts.
- Cut rationalization about how Kamber feels about missing her meeting.
- Cut thoughts on how Kamber feels about picking up her homework.
- Cut rationalization on Kamber’s pros and cons for skipping the first combined rehearsal to meet Joanne.
- Cut some elaboration on fears about Grandmother and not wanting a surprise bedroom visit.
- Slimmed down lots of reactions and internal monologue during the conversation about the priest with Grandmother.
- Cut more irritation over elders thinking teenagers are ridiculous.
- Cut thoughts about Grandmother’s suspicions that she might have a crush on the priest.
- Cut Kamber’s reaction to Grandmother never revealing an important concept to her, and the weird comparison to Santa Claus.
- Cut argument about whether Kamber should fear her grandmother’s judgment as a matriarch of her clan and a recognized decision-maker.
Chapter 29
- Cut details about the topic in a chapter of the queer history book.
- Cut internal monologue and excuses about why Kamber isn’t going to the first rehearsal.
- Shortened section on the philosophy of romance with a girl being confused for friendship and whether Kamber is being unfair to friendship herself.
- Cut details of what Kamber decided not to talk to her grandmother about and why.
Chapter 30
- Cut minutiae about getting new shoes and squabbles during singing practice.
- Cut various thoughts and plans on how not to sleep through another meeting.
- Cut fears and thoughts about Joanne’s answering note.
- Cut some of the longer descriptions of Kamber’s attraction to Joanne that were too detailed.
- Cut repetitive details about Joanne and Kamber discussing their differences.
- Cut thoughts on wooden utensils.
- Cut a bunch of details on what Kinfolk can eat that’s different from what humans can eat.
- Cut lengthy kitchen talk about privilege, differences between Kin and humans (again), and Kamber’s discomfort with talking about it.
- Dropped short appreciation for their moment eating outside.
- Made Kamber’s curiosity about how lesbian sex works less detailed.
- Made the make-out scene less detailed and removed references to bikini regions.
- Made some of the intimacy more euphemistic.
- Deleted a paragraph of Kamber thinking about Joanne’s boobs.
- Made some changes to Joanne’s explanation to Kamber about what “going farther” would mean in a same-sex relationship, again making it less detailed.
- Deleted references to Joanne’s previous girlfriend and too many details on hairstyles and hair texture.
- Cut details as they’re getting ready to do each other’s hair.
- Lost some details from the second make-out scene.
Chapter 31
- Deleted Kamber’s speculation on whether Joanne has dated prettier girls.
- Deleted reiteration of Kamber’s choice to skip the rehearsal when explaining the situation to Joanne’s dad.
- Deleted reference to wards here because I deleted the previous explanation for them.
Chapter 32
- Deleted internal monologue on why Kamber doesn’t initiate conversation with Grandmother Burdock and Mother Sage at the next rehearsal.
- Removed details of what Kamber is thinking about while dancing.
- Condensed the details on Kamber’s costume and confusion over filling her order.
- Deleted internal monologue of Kamber being glad she didn’t leave her queer history book out.
- Chopped unnecessary details on what Kamber can’t propose or say to Joanne in a note.
Chapter 33
- Condensed some less important details on dance rehearsal and singing rehearsal.
- Deleted details on how many people in the group have done the dance before.
- Deleted a little of the philosophy on when Kamber will be taken seriously by adults.
Chapter 34
- Deleted internal monologue on Kamber’s recent success being heard by the dance instructor and wondering whether she can generalize the concept to make her mother accept her being gay.
- Cut Kamber’s random worrying about whether Joanne likes her as much as she likes Joanne.
Chapter 36
- Deleted mistakes and almost-mistakes and philosophy on them from First Song on Bloom Day.
- Cut Kamber’s grumpiness over celebrating fertility while realizing her relationship with Joanne has nothing to do with fertility.
- Cut references to Grandmother’s Goddess concepts that were cut before.
- Deleted wordy description of the meaning of the dance in Tenth Song.
- Cut thoughts on why Kamber hadn’t noticed the flowergirls in the first half of the ritual.
Chapter 38
- Cut details of Kamber and Joanne making plans for their SAGA club meeting discussion.
Chapter 39
- Cut lengthy conversation with Joanne giving Kamber coming-out advice.
Chapter 40
- Deleted minutiae of Joanne explaining what she wants to do and what she does not want to do with the club.
Chapter 41
- Deleted details on how the hosting rules work.
Chapter 42
- Cut lengthy lead-in to Kamber telling Joanne she made up with Seaira and JeLin.
- Deleted conversation about whether Seaira and JeLin can be potential allies and references to Zinc possibly being asexual.
- Deleted discussion of looking for or starting queer events at the library.
- Deleted some conversation about whether priests marry in Kinfolk culture.
- Cut internal monologue of Kamber deciding what to say and not say to the priest.
- Reduced the complexity of the conversation between Kamber and the priest.
- Deleted Kamber worrying that the priest was sending her on a wild goose chase for information about unmarried or childless Kin adults.
- Deleted some what-ifs and philosophy on what scriptural information might and might not help with.
Chapter 43
- Deleted details on the process of researching alfe shirah.
- Deleted some unnecessary details on the Four Stripes of Goodness holiday.
Chapter 44
- Removed references to getting parental permission to go to Joanne’s house.
- Deleted a bunch of details on Joanne’s mother’s perspective on her daughter being gay.
- Cut some details of the presentation preparation.
- Removed references to Joanne’s tendency toward snarkiness and sarcasm in her queer activism.
- Condensed Kamber’s doubts about whether she can handle public speaking on this subject.
- Condensed the wordiness on Kamber asking to take a break to make out.
- Removed repetitive reference to queer people having to do lots of thinking about their orientation that straight people don’t.
- Deleted weird conversation of Kamber misunderstanding Joanne about whether they should break up so Kamber can get more experience with intimacy.
- Deleted explicit references to sex, Kamber being specific about what she wants, and whether Kamber could handle it. Less detail, more euphemisms.
- Made solo exploration references less explicit.
- Pulled back on the detail in the make-out session.
- Deleted details on what Kinfolk can eat while talking to Joanne’s mother.
- Pulled back on Joanne’s mother’s involvement in their planning session.
Chapter 45
- Included less detail on Kamber’s nervousness.
- Spent less time on Kamber spiraling worrying Joanne is going to break up with her.
Chapter 46
- Cut part of a conversation and internal monologue where Kamber and Kristy discuss pronouns, androgyny, and nonbinary identity.
Chapter 47
- Deleted some details on how much progress Kamber is NOT making coming out to her family.
Chapter 48
- Cut Kamber noticing and thinking about Grandmother’s phrasing regarding the validity of gay people.
Chapter 49
- Condensed many details on Kamber’s sleepless night after coming out to her grandmother.
- Very slightly shortened the conversation with Kamber’s mother.
Chapter 50
- Slimmed down details of Kamber having a coming-out conversation with her father.
- Deleted long scene of Kamber going to the library in desperation to get away from home and wishing she could summon Joanne to come comfort her.
Chapter 51
- Deleted details of Kamber’s desire for avoidance and decision to visit Zinc.
- Reduced details of Zinc being angsty about possibly being asexual.
- Deleted conversation about Zinc potentially experimenting on kissing girls.
- Cut details of physical interaction during lunchtime (when Kamber is telling Joanne about her coming-out experience).
- Cut long discussion of the origin of bigotry in religion.
- Cut metaphorical and literal discussion of hair bells.
Chapter 52
- Slimmed down on the details for a fast-forward of Kamber becoming more comfortable being out at school.
Chapter 53
- Deleted references to why certain communication technology doesn’t exist on the planet.
- Deleted details of what happened at the wedding Kamber had attended.
- Cut details about the rules of the invented card game.
- Cut some of the dialogue about Mr. Valentine agreeing to talk to Kamber’s parents.
- Cut some internal monologue about sibling rivalry (between Joanne and Theo).
- Cut discussion of getting permission from Kamber’s parents to go to Joanne’s house.
Chapter 54
- Deleted details of setting up the meeting of the parents.
Chapter 55
- Cut lengthy conversation between Kamber, Seaira, JeLin, and Zinc on the train and most of the detail of getting to Kristy’s neighborhood.
Chapter 56
- Deleted some speculation between Joanne and Kamber about what their parents would talk about and how.
